Dr. Laura Would Definitely Blame Me

The other night, my husband, whom we shall call Cadillac, went out on an errand. He unlocked the front door and called out to find where I was. I was on the couch, doing Yahoo Answers, probably one of my favorite pasttimes.
"Go take a shower," he ordered.
Immediately I didn't want to do such a thing. "In a minute." I was answering an intriguing questions about a woman whose husband is obsessed with big-handed women. Are my hands big? I wondered. I ran over to the desk to get a ruler.
And stepped on a dozen roses. Cadillac jumped out of the kitchen. "I told you to take a shower. I was going to put rose petals on the bed."
Boy, I felt bad. I tried to make it up to him, but now I'm worried he'll get some prostitutes. We can't afford the Spitzer kind, though, so they'll have to be the $5 hooker meth whores you can find wandering downtown. Completely my fault.

Silda Wall Spitzer

I always feel really bad for the spouses of a-holes in public office who do despicable things. As they stand there stone-faced, I actually get a stomachache imagining the hell they're going through. I'd read an interview with Silda Wall Spitzer in Glamour magazine, in which she talked about giving up her job to stay home with her girls. She seems like a decent human being.

To rub salt in the wound, faux-doctor Laura S. had some BS to say about how women drive their men to a'cheatin', and they ought to take responsibility for throwing good men out. Huh? Even if she was the worst wife in the world, that is no reason to give up your morals and do that to your own daughters, to break the law, laws that you have campaigned for. If he wanted to be free, he should have gotten a divorce. Cheating is never the answer. In fact, if my poor mother-in-law (who actually gave me one of Dr. Laura's barf-fest faux psychology books) weren't sick with pneumonia, I'd call her up and tell her again how much I hate Dr. Laura, saying controversial baloney just to keep her leathery puss in the news. Would this convince her that Dr. Laura is no good? 90% chance not. But that's a subject for another post.

The UK paper The Telegraph has a great imaginary Silda Wall blogpost.